he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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