Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
