I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
