i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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