areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
