I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
