Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
