She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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