We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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