So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
