My friends, they love my intelligence
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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