If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
