Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
