Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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