even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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