"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone owes me an orgasm
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
