Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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