Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
