I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
