I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
