Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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