Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
