i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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