Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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