booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
