Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
