How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
