I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
