I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The adults are the big ones right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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