addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
