Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we're so committed to being not committed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
