I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
