I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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