i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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