my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
