I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
