but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And then he peed in my hair
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