I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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