Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
