dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
