I'm lost and stupid without you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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