Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
