The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
