I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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