girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
