I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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