I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
