So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
