exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
