she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Say something about gay babies.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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