the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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